My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
