Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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