I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
