tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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