i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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