I could make wine with my vomit
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
