I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
