just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
