Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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