On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dick very happy bro
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
