Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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