I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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