To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
