Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it was like eating out sand paper
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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