How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
