Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
