Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
