I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
