Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
