ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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