I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
