So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I had to cum in my sink.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I'm really busy with my period
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