she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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