I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Your dad touched me again.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
