I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
