you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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