dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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