New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
