i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
