I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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