Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's always time for handjobs
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
