My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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