Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
