i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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