I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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