Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
