You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
