Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
