wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
