So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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