he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize