so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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