I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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