Michael Bay diarrhea
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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