No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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