party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
