Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
