i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my shit smells like andre
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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