Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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