I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize