is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
