he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
