I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
