I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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