What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
