I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
