i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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