and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
