he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize