i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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