I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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