What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
