i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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