Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
