You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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