I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
