no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am available for nakedness
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
