i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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