i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
