I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
These tits shall not be calmed
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
