youre lurking in front of me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
