Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I want to be your penis for a week.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
