I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
