Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
