my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
nutella sex= disaster
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
When are your genitals available?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
