Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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